As humans, we are social beings. We NEED each other. On the contrary, American society argues that independence is the ultimate sign of success and maturity. Maslow argued that without socialization, humans would suffer. Without connection to others, humans would never reach their ultimate dreams of self-actualization. And I am sure that some of you reading this right now disagree with Maslow. But I am here to support Maslow and his 3rd level of his Hierarchy of Needs: Love & Belonging (social needs).

Here’s a little anecdote to get us started… I was off from work yesterday and home alone. I usually enjoy this time alone. However, I felt discontent yesterday. For most of the day, I couldn’t understand why my mood was so low. Perhaps I was tired so I tried to take a nap. Nope that wasn’t it. Perhaps I was getting sick so I took my temperature. Nope that wasn’t it. Perhaps I was hormonal. Well that just didn’t add up. Perhaps I was lonely. Eurika! I was feeling a lack of social connection. The moment my significant other got home from work, we went out for a walk and I was able to hold the door for someone, talk with my loved one, see other humans walking and wave to a neighbor. All of these simple means of social connection were critical for my mood yesterday!

One of my favorite topics to bring to group therapy is “happiness”. I will often facilitate a group therapy on ways to maximize happiness. Research shows that one way to maximize happiness is through social connection. That can mean many different things. Social connection can range from an intimate night with a partner to making eye contact with a stranger. Psychologists say that we need some form of social connection daily in order to maximize happiness in our lives. That seems pretty simple, right? It was until covid entered our lives…

We are all facing threats to our physical health as we maneuver the world wearing face masks and avoiding physical touch with one another. We are also threatening our social needs. Masks block us from seeing each others’ full facial expressions. Social distancing blocks us from shaking hands, hugging, kissing, and simply spending time with one another. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has a lot to teach us on how to treat our physical and social needs when they are both vulnerable. If we reference the image above, safety needs comes before love and belonging. Both are critical for our overall health. AND first and foremost, we need to tend to our safety needs. So that means, we must wear masks and social distance from one another.

But what about our social needs? How can we create love and belonging in the midst of social distancing? Life is all about being flexible and adjusting to the changing times. Rolling with the punches as I often say. How are you socially connecting with others today? Who can you talk to today? How can you socially connect with a stranger today while you’re out and about? Can you tell someone you love them? Who can you make eye contact with today? All of these and more are ways to socially connect while adhering to the CDC guidelines for covid.

So I’m going to leave us with a challenge to our thinking. In the beginning of this blog, I mentioned that American society teaches us that in order to be successful and “grown up”, we must be independent. What if I said that in order to be the best versions of ourselves, we must be socially connected?

Check-out the Emotional Wellness Tab and Self-Affirmations Tab for more on our social needs.