I am known to be very competitive. A lot of us are! We want to win the game of cards, we want to earn the raise and we want our favorite sports team to clinch the spot in the playoffs. That’s all very common. Let’s take a step back and look at this competitive nature from a psychological viewpoint…

Society teaches us that if we win the competition, we will be rewarded with a trophy (or something of that nature), recognition, praise and compliments from others. Have you ever stood in front of a crowd to receive your 1st place medal? For those of you who have, you probably know where I’m going with this. It feels amazing! All of the positive attention, clapping, smiling and cheering. You feel on top of the world for those 30 seconds. That is the power of esteem and recognition in our lives. When we receive esteem from others AND from ourselves, we grow in our pursuits toward self-actualization.

Abraham Maslow believed that once you have met your physiological needs, safety needs and social needs, you are capable of love, respect, adoration and esteem from yourself and others. And so, professional careers, academics, sports, clubs, games and hobbies are seen as critical for our mental health and emotional wellness.

Stop and think of someone you consider a role model in your life. What makes up their life that you admire? I would guarantee you that this person has some admirable purpose in their life such as a career, family role and/or community involvement. Perhaps this person excels in a hobby/game/sport. No wonder you admire them! They possess esteem which is an extremely attractive quality. Their esteem comes from their participation in life.

I want to clarify something, it’s not necessarily healthy to always be in a state of competition striving to win everything in life. If that is the case, I would worry that you’re esteem is low which is why you are constantly seeking recognition. I try to think of it this way… anything done to an extreme can be unhealthy.

The ideal goal is that you can find something that makes you feel good about yourself where you also receive respect from others. Let this be enough! No one wants to be around the person always trying to beat you in everything you do. If you find that thing that truly gives you esteem, you won’t feel the need to constantly seek recognition and reward. And on a final teaching note, self-affirmations are a daily practice supporting us in our esteem pursuits. I challenge you to engage in a daily affirmation practice. Providing yourself with daily recognition and praise will enhance your esteem for yourself. Stumped on which affirmations to give yourself? Check-out the Self-Affirmations Tab for some ideas! And check-out the Emotional Wellness Tab for more on self-esteem.